Where are you going with this comedy thing?

 So, you're a stand up comic.  What does that mean?

Potentially, you could be Jim Norton selling out clubs and theaters wherever you go, or you could be an open mic comic.  You could be an A-room road comic headliner, traveling the country, or you could be the local club MC.  You could be a headliner in your surrounding area; or you could be a feature that's stuck in between MCing some clubs, can't do too many road gigs because not all clubs give rooms to features so your pay would get eaten up, and occasionally closing bar gigs.  You could be a college/corporate maven making big money per gig, or you could be running your own room so you get stage time.  You could be in New York, running the club circuit taking guest spots and multiple $25, fifteen minute spots a night to pay the rent; or you could be...okay, you get my point.

Being a stand up comic means a lot of different things.

There are designations we use that go in front of "stand up comic", such as "newbie", "working", "full-time", or "famous"; however, the public doesn't typically know the difference, except if you're famous.  Typically, if you say you're a stand up comedian, people on the street don't know if you're fresh out of comedy class or headlining a casino.

Ironically, the great equalizers are perception and likability.  Generally, a name comic is going to be given more latitude because people expect them to be funny.  Many of their shows are filled with people who bought tickets just to see them.  Or, if the comic pops into a club unannounced, their track record and the good will created by someone of their ilk deigning to show up at this club usually begets laughs.

Holy shit was that last sentence pretentiously written!  What I meant to say is that if Jerry Seinfeld suddenly showed up at a club, the audience would go nuts and would likely laugh if he just sneezed.

Conversely, the rest of us don't get that kind of leeway.  That's not to say famous, successful comics didn't earn it.  My point is that the average fundraiser crowd doesn't know, nor care, who the headliner is at their $35 a ticket, spaghetti and meatball buffet, Chinese auction, comedy show fundraiser for the high school girls lacrosse team.  They don't know the MC, either, but might like him/her better.

In other words, if you're an MC and you did a fundraiser show with Lisa Lampanelli as the announced headliner, Lisa would get laughs before she got on stage.  But, if you're the unknown headliner (clubs, bars, fundraisers, occasional corporate/college gig), you have to bring your A-game because the crowd will just be judging you as you compare to the other comics who just performed.

So, you can never really stop doing your best.  Don't intentionally mail in a show, no matter how shitty the gig is.

Sometimes, we can't control the situation.  We're not feeling well, the show stinks, the audience is lame, whatever the reason (or excuse) we have a bad set.  As long as that pisses you off and causes you to try to make the next set your best set ever, you'll be just fine.

Be that as it may, I'd like you to ask yourself where you're going with this comedy ride you're on?  Maybe you have a clear picture where you want to go, as I mentioned in my post about goals.  Maybe you don't.  If you don't, please read my 4-part Frustrated series of posts.

Regardless, you might know where you'd like to be, but do you know what it entails?  Do you know what you'll have to go through to get there?  Do you want to do what it takes?

The idea for this post came to me on a Saturday afternoon on the road between shows.  I was in a comedy condo, flipping through the TV channels, with about seven hours until the show (if you've never stayed in a comedy condo, many times that's an eye-opening experience in, and of, itself).

My daughter's just getting old enough for things like sports and cheerleading.  Is she going to be okay with me missing her events because, "Daddy's away somewhere telling jokes"?  Am I going to be okay with it?

The other day my wife joked about an opportunity that came to me possibly leading to me announcing for the Philadelphia Phillies, something I've always said I wanted to do.  It was a joke, because the two had nothing to do with each other.  However, the reality is that I'd be away from my family for more than half of the year, each year.  Sure, I can be home some during home stands, but they play baseball on Memorial Day, Father's Day, July 4th and Labor Day, not to mention weekend games.

My point is we need to get a line on our goals, start to understand what achieving our goals will take and figuring out if we're willing to do what's needed to achieve them.

I work with a lot of frustrated comics, and that's not just because most comics seem to have emotional issues.  I think it's safe to say, most comics are not happy with their status in the comedy world.

While I've written before about being willing to do what it takes, e.g. go to multiple open mics, guest spots, driving far for low or no pay gigs, writing every day, etc., I don't know how many comics think about what else it would take...and if they're willing to do that.

By happenstance, and the luck of geography, I'm producing my first (and maybe only) show, and it's with Craig Shoemaker.

What's significant about this, besides Shoe's huge list of credits (TV, movies, stand up specials, etc.), is that he is retiring from road gigs at the end of this year.  After years and years of going on the road, across the country, Craig has decided to stay close to his home in California, do his radio show and whatever else he wants to do from the proximity of his home, to be with his family.

Shoe comes to lil ole Somers Point, NJ

Some of us comics wish we had Craig's career.  Some of us wouldn't have gone on the road to begin with.  That is your choice to make.

I encourage you to make your choice, and OWN your choice.

If you want to be a local only comic who has a day job and never really leaves the area, more power to you.  Just don't get mad when you only have a certain amount of gigs.

If you want to be a road comic, and deal with all it entails...get on the road.  I just spoke to a comic who drove from the New York area to Cleveland, slept in his car, just so he could do a guest spot at a big club in Cleveland.  After the set he was passed at the club and never went back there.  He just wanted to do it.

What are you willing to do?

Where are you going with this comedy thing?


P.S. If you want to see Shoe in action (something for the bucket list) you can buy tickets below.  Sorry, friends and fellow comics, I can't comp you because it's a door deal and I'd like my family to be able to eat.

A TV Pilot? You Just Never Know

Last week, I had the good fortune of co-starring with New Jersey's Bad Boy of Comedy, Mike Marino, in his TV pilot, RECONSTRUCTING JERSEY.

It was an awesome experience!

Along with Mike, I got to work with actors like Ronnie Marmo from General Hospital and movie actor Cylk Cozart (who also directed the show); comedian/actors like Michael Wheels Parise of  Rollin' with Dice and Wheels...The Podcast (yeah, that Dice...Andrew Dice Clay) and the lovely and talented Sunda Croonquist (who played my wife!); and legends like New Jersey's own Uncle Floyd.

Me, on the left along with most of the cast and crew

While I fully hope and expect to have my publicist's assistant typing these blog posts in the near future because I'll be too busy after I accept my Emmy for best supporting actor in a sit-com, our Emmy for best comedy and our Golden Globe for best new show on television, I know it could end up just being a great experience.  An experience where I met and worked with some really great and very professional people, cast and crew.  And, maybe I'll get to use it as a credit for comedy intros for a few months.

I'm leaning towards a ten season network run, but that's just me.  What can I say?

Either way, it was unbelievable.  And, I had to get out of a weekend gig I had booked months ago in a club I hadn't played before.

Even if the club never lets me in (and I hope they do!!), it was well worth it.

Why am I telling you this?  Well, for one thing, it's my blog, so if you don't like it you can go pound sand!

The other reason I'm telling you is because I want you to know that you just never know.

Mike Marino and me in AC 2012

I first met Mike a couple of years ago.  He was scheduled to call in to my morning radio show to promote his one-nighter at The Borgata in Atlantic City.  Near the end of the call-in I half-jokingly asked him to let me open for him, and he kindly invited me to the show, and back stage.  However, I had a gig already, so Mike told me to meet him at Tony Boloney's pizza shop in AC the day after the show, as he would be shooting some DVD extra stuff.

I have to tell you, I almost didn't go.  Not that I didn't want to, but I kind of felt that Mike was just being nice, and I might get in the way.

Boy was I wrong!  Mike wasn't just being nice.  He had me co-star as myself in his caper scenes where he "stole" the Tony Baloney's delivery truck, which can be seen on his DVD Live From The Borgata Casino Atlantic City, NJ.

A couple of months later, Mike got me a guest spot in a club I hadn't gotten into myself.  And, over the next couple of years, Mike would check in with me from time to time to see how things were going, and to let me know when he'd be back in Jersey, as he was based in L.A.

Meanwhile, I was doing my comedy thing, ultimately working my way into The Borgata myself (shameless plug: see me there the week of June 23rd).

Then seemingly out of the blue, because it had been months since we last talked, Mike called and asked me to be in his pilot.  Okay, it's Mike Marino, NJ's Bad Boy of Comedy...he more like TOLD me I'm going to be in his pilot.

The Crew - me, Wheels, Mike & Ronnie

YOU JUST NEVER KNOW

In this business of comedy and entertainment, you absolutely have to hone your craft and be the best you can be.  Sadly, however, that's usually not enough.  There are thousands of comics and actors who are very good at what they do, but no one really knows it.

But you also have to put yourself in the right place at the right time.  I know, that isn't easy.  Hell, it's not even something you can predict.  Yet, I had a hand in getting into this pilot, two years ago, by asking Mike to open for him and showing up when he invited me to film DVD extra's in AC.

If I never asked him, I wouldn't have been invited.  And, if I went with my initial feeling and didn't show up, I'd never have gotten the guest spot, the subsequent friendship, and the call for this pilot.  Mike's a very generous person, but he's not going to call someone who blew off his invite and didn't bother to show up.

In other words, I put myself in a position to be in the right place at the right time.  They say it's not who you know, but who knows you.  And because of our relationship, Mike knew me to call me.

UNCLE FLOYD, Cylk Cozart, me

You always need to network at every one of your shows.  I love working with the comics I know and love, but I really love working with comics I've never worked with before, because it's a potentially new relationship of friendship and mutual assistance.

Yes, mutual.  Networking isn't trying to get what you can out of people, it's doing what you can to help THEM.  To bring back the quote from my post about the late John Pinette:  Hell of a Nice Guy , motivational speaker and business trainer Zig Ziglar said, "You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want."

I always try to get my fellow comics booked, or at least get them in front of someone who can book them.  It's not always an eye for an eye, so to speak.  You might not be in a position to help the comics you meet.  Lord knows there's not much I can do for Mike, comic to comic.  But, you can be their friend, take their advice, come see their shows without any thought of getting anything out of it, other than relationship.  And, you can help other comics...you know, pay it forward.

Comedian Mike Eagan, who has been a tremendous friend and help in the business, has always only asked one thing of me:  that I pay it forward.  Help other comics whenever I can.  He doesn't know this, but the first time we ever met, at a gig, was an indirect link to this pilot.  Consequently, he got me into the club for the gig I had to cancel to do the pilot and I was apprehensive about telling him.  But, true to form, Mr. Eagan told me I had to do the pilot and not to worry about cancelling the gig.

If I ever make it big in comedy and/or Hollywood, the list of people I will need to thank is long...but I know every single name on it.  I am extremely grateful for the people who have given me advice, a leg up, an intro, a spot...or a part in a TV pilot.

I also know that it didn't just magically happen because these people simply met me, or that I was entitled to it.  These people had to like me.  They had to see me do well and take my craft seriously.  They had to see how I work with, and help, others.  We had to have a relationship, so when the timing was right they would think of me.

Sunda Croonquist & me hamming it up

At the risk of sounding holier than thou from atop my soap box, go do something.  If you're the type of comic who's only in it for themselves, people will see you as a taker and not really want to work with you.  If you only hang out with your same comedy club or open mic friends, you're going to be stuck there.

If you're reading this and you are jealous of me, or coming up with reasons why I got in this pilot (he  must have dirty pictures of someone), then you missed the point entirely.  I don't ask that you're happy for me, but maybe you can use this as a catalyst to put yourself out there.  Expand your horizons.  Show up early to your shows, watch the whole show regardless of your status in the show and network with the other comics.

And if you can't put them in a pilot, or get them into a club, that's totally fine.  Just be nice to them.  Maybe bounce ideas of off them.  Be interested in THEM and not in what you can get out of them.

Maybe one day down the road you'll get a call.  It could be a gig, or a booker that someone referred to you.  It could be someone looking to you for help with a new bit.  Hell, it could be a pilot, or a movie.  Or, maybe it's just someone who needs your help or wants your friendship.

You just never know.

Ronnie, me, Wheels & Mike Marino (on phone)

 Photo credits:  All Reconstructing Jersey cast and crew photos by Richard Hoynes

Now we're censoring ourselves?

Michael Sam was picked by the St. Louis Rams, making him the first openly gay player in the NFL.  When it happened, I tweeted that of all the teams to pick him, of course it had to be the Rams.  A non comic friend replied, "It could have been worse, it could have been the Packers."

Sometimes, the hecklers have better lines and you just need to go with it.  But, I digress...

I'm typically not a topical comic, my set is observational and personal.  Every so often, if something newsworthy comes up, and I happen to have a gig within a few days of it, I'll throw in a joke or two about it.

Most of the time my topical jokes stay in Twitter and Facebook land, with all the other comics' jokes on the same subject.

They should stay there anyway, in my opinion.  In comedy we worry about doing the same premise as another comic, the same joke, or having our jokes stolen.  Doing topical headline jokes, every comic in the known universe is focusing on the same exact subject at the same time as you.  There are going to be tons of the same exact joke.  It's very hard to not be hacky at that point.

But lately it seems comics are doing something strange...they're censoring each other.

It's weird because, these days, it seems that the public is just looking to get offended, especially at a comedy show.  The spot light is on comics because of cringe comedy and rape humor.  Daniel Tosh handles a heckler with a rape joke and all Hell breaks loose.

A lot of famous comics defended Tosh when it happened.  Not necessarily the joke, or even the subject, but the fact that the woman heckled him and it was a comedy show.  Comics cried out about being censored, the public looking to be offended, and you should expect it when you heckle a comic, especially one like Daniel Tosh (come on, have you seen his TV show?).

"The point I was making before I was heckled is there are awful things in the world but you can still make jokes about them." - Daniel Tosh

Locally, and I can only write about what I know and see, most comics seemed to follow suit - defending Tosh's right to say whatever he wants at a comedy show, especially when being heckled.

However, now just two years later, I've seen a ton of local comics cry foul when other comics make jokes about something, or someone, topical that offends them.

Hey, everyone has their threshold, everyone has stuff they hold sacred.  But it goes beyond that.  It's hypocritical, because it's selective.

My joke about Michael Sam was pretty benign.  Personally, I have no problem with Sam declaring he's gay, him playing in the NFL, nor kissing his boyfriend upon hearing he was drafted.  But, as a comic, to me, a gay man drafted by The Rams begs for a joke.  Same with him being given the number 96 on his jersey (I can't believe they did that.  Come ON!)

Yet, I saw many posts from comics...purportedly funny, jovial, jokey comics...all threatening other comics with the dreaded Facebook deletion if they joked about Sam.  Some claimed making jokes about Sam meant you weren't a comic, you were just homophobic.

Same thing with the untimely and tragic death of actor Paul Walker.  Many comics lashed out at those who made jokes about it.

Please.  Because you like the Fast and Furious series, it's offensive to joke about Walker's death, but other deaths and topics are fine?

When I was a kid, a beloved Philadelphia weatherman was killed in a parachuting accident.  Within seconds, kids all over were telling the joke: "What's the last thing that went through Jim O'Brien's mind?  His feet."

I'm not condoning the jokes, but it's always been like that.  And obviously, it's not just from comics.

But let's get back to comics.  Many of the upset comics regarding Walker and/or Sam made missing Malaysian airplane jokes.  So, it's okay to joke about 239 missing, and probably tragically killed, people whose names you don't know, but how dare someone make a joke about a gay football player or Vin Diesel's co-star?

If you enter the topical Twitter, Facebook comedy arena, you have to be prepared for all of it, from every side.   There will be gay jokes, death jokes, racial jokes, political jokes, etc.  Hell, Jimmy Fallon kicks the shit out of the botched roll out of Obamacare every chance he gets on The Tonight Show, and I'm pretty sure he's an Obama supporter.  Topical comedy knows no bounds.

Be offended when the joke isn't funny, to anybody...not just to you.  That means the comic just sucks.  THAT'S offensive.

Really, stop being a hypocritical baby.  I don't like all of the jokes out there.  I think some are "too soon," or hurtful for the sake of being hurtful.  But, comics have the right to say what they want, both on stage and on their status/page.  And, if they bring the joke to the stage, the audience's response will tell them if they have a good joke or went too far.

However, if this is truly a hill you want to die on, topical comedy censor, then make sure you're not standing in that proverbial glass house when you cast your stones.  Make sure you're not just being selectively offended.  Next time you're ready to post a topical joke, make sure you can't possibly offend anyone with it.  Only then, when your house is in order, will I even consider listening to you complain.

Who am I kidding?  I probably still won't give a rat's ass.

Your ego is WAY out of line

In my last post, 6 Tips for a Great Open Mic, I mentioned that having people critique you is essential to the process of your comedy career.  At the same time, many comics won't stand for that; they don't let anyone tell them anything, good or bad, about their act.  They don't accept tweaks, punchlines, tag lines, set-up trimming or anything else.

Well, this video shows the biggest comic in the country, who is in movies, and who writes, directs, edits and stars in his own TV series on FX, explaining how he's about to host Saturday Night Live for the SECOND time, and HE needs to have someone edit his set.  He needs outside critiquing so he can tell if his jokes are funny, or not.

Louis C. K. on Opie & Anthony discussing his SNL monologue (NSFW)

What can I possibly add to this that isn't mentioned in the video?  If you don't get how huge your ego is for thinking that everything you write and everything that comes out of your mouth is the funniest thing ever, you need an intervention.

It's 5:36 long, and we would all do well to watch it over and over.

This video was brought to my attention when comedian Mike Sgroi shared it on his Facebook status.  Mike writes and interviews for AmericasComedy online, which also has a page on Facebook at AmericasComedyFanPage.

6 Tips for a Great Open Mic

In my last post, Are You Screwing Up Your Open Mic?, I wrote about how the typical open mic can actually be detrimental to a comic's career, based on the way many are being run.  Below are some tips on how to make a great open mic.

As you probably already know, there are typically three types of open mics:

1. Club open mics are run by the club, have their own set of rules and come with the onus of wanting to do well in front of possible club reps so you can get into the club.  Veteran comics use the club mic to sharpen their skills and work new stuff out, while newer comics are generally trying to get in the club with their best three minutes.

2. Full show open mics are just that, a show with an MC and closer.  Notice, I wrote closer, not headliner.  Typically, the closer is a really good MC or a feature in the area because the money is minimal.  You're charging people to come out on a Tuesday for a show that's basically ten open mikers in between an MC and maybe another MC.  You're probably not going to be able to charge more than $5.

3.  Of course, the typical open mic is a bunch of comics in a bar/restaurant with one of them starting off as the MC.  Usually, there is no charge but you're expected to eat and drink at the establishment to keep using the place for free.  Sometimes you get a private room and sometimes it's in the main room with built in audience not paying attention while they drink their beer and watch sports.  Sometimes, these also are open to musicians.
 
For the purposes of the information below, I'm not including club run/sanctioned open mics.  As I mentioned above, club mics are a different animal. 


WAYS TO MAKE YOUR OPEN MIC GREAT

1.  PROMOTE IT!!!  Not just the person who started it, but EVERYONE who typically goes to the open mic should promote it.  It should be treated like a real show.  I don't think it's done on purpose, but it's really weird to me that some open mics seem to be kept secret.  There is no point to that.  In fact, that's the opposite of what an open mic should be (notice the name: OPEN mic).  It's probably more a case of comics just not thinking about promoting it rather than purposely keeping it private, but it happens a lot.

You want a steady flux of comics coming in, whether they're on the road and stopping by, new to the area, or just looking for a few minutes of stage time.  If you see the same faces every week, it tends to become more of a coffee klatch (okay, beer klatch).  I know, that's a bit harsh since we all live where we live.  My point is try to get new blood in as often as possible.

In addition to posting it in the various comedian Facebook groups and your own page, you can list your open mic on BadSlava.  It seems pretty thorough, however I noticed some old, cancelled mics on the list.  Apparently, once a mic dies no one thinks to let the site know it's done.

And, you really want an audience, too, if you can manage.  Did your joke just kill because the comics all know you, or was it really funny?  If a bunch of strangers laugh, that's a better indicator.  Conversely, comics can also be stingy with the laughs.  So, you might have the greatest punchline since Henny Youngman, but your faux hipster cool colleagues are too busy tweeting an ironic reference to laugh.

2. SET SOME RULES - I know, we got into comedy because there are no rules.  Bullshit.  Do a blue set at a corporate gig, and, as you come home without your check, see if that booker, or company, ever books you again.  Or, blow through the light at a club and see how long it takes you to get back in, if ever.

Cram it up your cram hole, Lafleur, there are rules in comedy and you know it.  Deal with it.

The rules should mimic club rules.  Comics should get there early, as per sign up times.  They should obey the light.  No heckling.  Pay attention.  Don't talk during other people's sets.  Be a good audience for your fellow comics.  They should be expected to stay for the whole show.  And, laugh, dammit!

It's up to you how you want to treat comics who come in late, but club open mics won't let a comic go on.  Also, if you let one person come in late, eventually everyone will start to show up late.

Don't be afraid to set ground rules regarding type of material, especially if you're charging people to be there.  Obviously it's an open mic and comics should be free to explore, but you don't want your audience walking out.  There's a difference between a comic trying to go blue with a bit and a person who seemingly just heard his/her voice over a PA for the first time and loves the way cocksucker sounds every three seconds.  Well, who doesn't, but still.

3. LEARN TO HOLD YOUR LIQUOR - Really, don't drink...that much.  If you need a couple shots to get the nerve to go on stage, so be it.  If you think you can have great timing and do a great set while buzzed, who am I to tell you not to have a few beers?  But, when you start to stumble, slur your words, spit out 53 "fucks" and a few racial slurs in a four minute set, etc., you can't hold your liquor.

If you do it once, that's okay.  Learn from it.

If it's your "thing" then you're more of an alcoholic than a comedian.  Get help.  Seriously.

If you're in charge, and the person keeps getting sloppy drunk, you have three options:
A. Kick 'em out all together; ban them
B. Always put them on first, so they can't be drunk on stage unless they show up drunk (which is really messed up)
C. Always put them on last, so they don't mess up the show or walk the audience.  Of course, they may get loud and obnoxious waiting all that time, so option A might be the best bet.

4. LEADERSHIP - If you're just looking for a place to hang, then this whole post has been lost on you.  However, if you're looking to really hone your skills and move up in the comedy world, you will either want to take ownership of the open mic, so as to enforce the rules, or elect leadership for that purpose.

I know, I know, more business world crap that you were trying to escape by being a comedian, but come on, most of us have full time jobs anyway while we try to make it in comedy.  It's not a foreign concept.

Besides, I'm not talking about quorums and board meetings with votes and Robert's Rules.  I'm simply talking about one or two people who are tasked with enforcing the rules, policing the event and talking straight to comics who cause problems.

Just like you hope the clubs you play have security to handle obnoxious patrons, you want everyone at your open mic to behave professionally.

Remember, the venue owner wants to make a profit, he/she's hoping you eat and drink and attract a crowd.  Throwing up on the stage, or complaints from patrons will spell doom for your open mic.

5. CLEAR COMMUNICATION - As with any facet of life, clear communication is key.  That means clearly stating the rules you have for your mic.  Post them on the sign up sheet, on the door or tables at the venue, and consider having the MC run through them at the start of the show.

This also means talking straight to comics who violate the rules.  It sucks, but this is your open mic, your career.  If someone can't respect that, can't be professional, they need to be told to shape up or ship out. 

Nothing's worse than going to the open mic you know is going to get ruined because Skippy won't shut up and no one will say anything to him because they don't wanna harsh his mellow.

6. CRITIQUES - One of the toughest things to do as a comic is to get better.  That's because we typically don't have mentors.  We don't tape our sets enough, and critique them.  And we certainly don't like other comics telling us what we should or shouldn't do in our acts.

Really, we all have huge egos, and if we wrote something, we know for sure it's comedy gold, dammit!

If you choose, you could have all the comics at the mic take notes, or you could designate some more veteran/accomplished comics to do it.  You might even be able to get a headliner, or known comic, in your area to come in as a guest to do the critiquing.  Best case scenario for that would be to have a full show where he/she is the closer and gets paid a little something, but you never know.  Some comics enjoy helping others for no other reason than helping others.

It's a delicate situation, because, again, most of us don't take too well to being told what we didn't do well.  Therefore, you need to make a policy of telling the comic what they did well to go along with any critique.  And, let any comics opt out if they don't want to be critiqued.

It might not be feasible to have the critiques on the same night as the open mic, and nothing says they have to be done in front of everyone else.  But being given a tag line by a veteran comic is invaluable.  Being shown how to make the set up to a joke that much shorter will do wonders for your act.


***

If the only things you can do from this list are promote your open mic and not get sloppy drunk, that's a plus.  You might not have the power, nor the will to run an open mic like I suggested.  And that's fine.

Just be aware of the list, and make sure you are doing your absolute best to utilize the mic for what it's supposed to be...a tool to help you get better.

(UPDATE) Since I first wrote this a video regarding critiquing has come to my attention.  Click here to go to my next blog post with the video.

Are you screwing up your open mic?

It's Wednesday night again, time for the local open mic.  There's Bob and Sally.  Here comes Sue and John.  Cletus and Marge texted they were running late, but please order their usual jalapeno poppers so they come out just as the two of them arrive.

It's Cliff's turn to host; actually, he started the thing so he hosts pretty much every week.

A couple of beers later, just after Angie does a pretty good four minutes on how her boyfriend's an asshole, Ralph takes the stage.

Ralph goes up and after a couple throw away lines, nails Jason with an inside joke one-liner that makes all the comics laugh.  Then he does a call-back to something in his larger set, but not something he did tonight.  The comics all snicker and snort with familiar delight.  Ralph smirks, throws up the double peace signs and says, "That's my time, fuckers!"  Everyone screams for joy.

If I just described your open mic, it's not really helping you in your comedy career (or Ralph's).

Open mics are for stage time.  Open mics are for practice.  Open mics are for sharpening your bits.  Open mics are for hashing out new bits.  Open mics are for a lot of things.  They are a useful tool to help comics...new, veteran and famous.

Open mics are NOT supposed to be inside joke-laden clique fests.  Yet, many become just that.

Do your best to not allow yours to fall into the clique trap.  Or, if you have no control over the event, rotate through different open mics, or leave that one all together.  It's not helping you.  Side note: you should be going to as many open mics as you can, so rotating through different ones is a good idea even your home open mic is stellar.

The issue is that we want the laugh, and we're typically afraid to fail.  We're especially afraid to fail in front of our friends.  When you hang out with the same group of comics, they become your friends. 

So, rather than try something you just came up with, to see where it goes, you go to your A-list stuff that you know works.  Or, you rip on the other comics in the room, or rip the room.  Etc. etc., you get the idea.

But getting the easy laugh in front of your gang doesn't help your career.

 "Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." 

- Winston Churchill

While Churchill's quote can be applied to many aspects of your comedy career, it shows up easily in the beginning at open mics.  The best way to learn is through failure.  That's why Domino's Pizza has their new commercials where they say failure IS an option.  They encourage their chef's to try everything.  Regardless of if you like Domino's pizza, they are a hugely successful company, and have been for many years.

If your goal is to succeed by making the other comics laugh at your open mics, I feel you're missing the point.  Killing at an open mic doesn't necessarily translate to killing at paid gigs.

Furthermore, the more comfortable you get with something, the less enthusiasm you will have for it.  Think of sports teams that get rid of managers who've won for them in the past.  Did the manager suddenly suck?  No, the team got comfortable with the manager and slacked off while the manager got comfortable with the team and didn't challenge them anymore.

The way to move forward in anything is to continually challenge yourself.  That way you'll rise to the occasion, or at least raise your game a notch trying.  Doing the same open mic, with the same people, week after week can have you fall into a rut.

So, if it's not workable for you to go to more, or different open mics, you need to do your best to make yours the best it can be for you (and for the other comics).

Click here to go to my my next post, where I give you some tips to make your open mic great.

Are you still doing that comedy thing?

One of the most annoying questions comedians get from their friends, family and acquaintances is some belittling version of, "How's your comedy career going?"

Sometimes it comes out as, "Are you still doing that comedy thing?"  The implications are both that they expect you to have moved on after you got it out of your system, and that it's not a career for you because you're not famous...it's a thing.  "Are you still doing that doctor thing?"  You don't hear that too much.

After you bite your tongue so as not to berate them, you politely tell them yes, you're still in comedy.  They then proceed to launch into a bunch of different things like trying to tell you a joke, or talking about a famous comic they like, etc.  Click here for my post on Things Not To Say To Us After A Show.  While it was written to the audience who just saw a show, most of the things they say to us are the same things our family and friends say whenever they see us.

One of the questions they finally settle on is, "When are you playing near me, because I'll come see your act?"

No, they won't.

Oh, they have every intention of coming.  Some of them might even make some sort of effort.  Yet, by and large, the vast majority of people who tell you they're coming simply don't...even if the show is in their backyard.

To be fair, things come up.  Life happens.  However, the bottom line is it's just not that important to them, unless you can get them to buy tickets in advance.

Up and coming comedian Jay Watkins (@jaywatkins83 on Twitter) inspired this post.  He was coming off a show in NYC where his friends had promised, yet again, to come to a show, and, yet again, failed to show up.

Jay's people go beyond just not showing up.  According to him, some of them flat out lie.

Someone once told him they were stuck at home without a ride, yet later posted online from a BBQ that was fifteen driving minutes from where they lived.

Another person said they got there but the show was sold out.  Jay sent them a picture of the 10-15 empty seats he was staring at after the show started.

Jay also had someone ask him to record his set and put it up on YouTube.  I love this one.  You're not important enough for me to get up off of my ass and come see you, I'm certainly not going to pay to see you, but if you do all the work for me, I'll point and click whenever I get around to it.

While Jay probably needs to get new friends, the idea is the same.  Excuses upon excuses as to why they don't show up.

If it was really important to them, they would show up; bottom line.  If someone wants to do something, they will find a way.  Likewise, if someone doesn't want to do something, they will find an excuse.  I'm not saying your people actually don't want to see you.  I'm saying their perception of what it will take to get a sitter and physically go to and sit through a live comedy show outweighs the ease of staying home or going to Applebee's.

My advice is to not worry about them, and expect nothing.  Every time someone tells you they will come see you, understand they probably won't.  Don't let it get to you.

Besides, the real problems come with the ones who do come see you!

First and foremost, I cannot tell you how many "friends" think it's funny to tell me they're going to heckle me at the show.  I know, 99.9% don't really intend to heckle me, and I would have no problem blowing them out of the water if they did, but it's such a dick thing to say.  If I owned a restaurant would you threaten to send back your order, or give me a bad review online before showing up?  Shut UP!

Next, watch how fast you're expected to go from comedian to concierge when someone you know is coming to see you.  Holy shit!

"Can you get me comps?  Can you save me seats?  Just put your jacket on a couple of seats for me.  How's the layout of the club?  I don't want anything too close or too far from the stage.  Make sure you say something funny about Bob's job promotion.  What time do you go on?  Are the other comics funny?  Do I have to stay for the whole show?  Can you get me backstage?"

Then they call and/or text you when they get to the venue so you can help them, direct them, meet with them, etc.  Anything and everything that has to do with them, and nothing that has to do with you preparing for your show or being an actual performer.

"We're here!  Where do we park?  Did you save us seats?  Do we just mention we're here to see you?  Okay, we'll be inside in about five or ten minutes, so why don't you wait out front for us so we know where to go?"

If you haven't experienced this yet, you will.  There are only two ways to deal with this, one being move out of town and forsake everyone you know.

The other is to pre-frame, or future pace, your people.  This technique works wonders in all aspects of life and business.  It's preemptive communication; it sets up expectations.

Simply put, tell your people what to expect, where to find info, and what not to expect.

"That's really cool you're coming to the show Friday!  The show starts at 9pm, and parking can be tricky if you don't get there early.  The best way to get all the info you need and any questions answered, is to call this number (or visit this website) for reservations and information.  I'm going to be pretty busy before the show, but would love to hang out with you guys after the show.  Thanks again for coming!"

I know, it's like I just told you how to add 2+2, but you would be surprised at how very assumptive people are, and how we typically don't communicate very clearly.

So, this was a happy post, huh?  Most of the people you know will tell you they're coming to see you, but never will.  And, the small percentage that do come out will likely burden you with all sorts of ancillary crap that gets in the way of you just being a stand-up comedian.

Good news, the hotel down the street is looking for a concierge and you're highly qualified.